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I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
States
Somebody
Matrimony
Anything
State
Amazed
Look
Bigs
Comment
Come
Understand
Heads
Looks
Speak
Pictures
Must
Art
Figure
People
Two
None
Thought
Figures
Doodles

More quotes by Billy Connolly

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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
Billy Connolly
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
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Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
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I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.
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I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
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If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
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If you're going to do an interview about a movie or anything like that, you're vulnerable. You say stupid things. Or if you're applying for a green card you feel very vulnerable and you're likely to spout out something stupid in the middle of it all.
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I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'.
Billy Connolly
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.
Billy Connolly
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
Billy Connolly
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I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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I've never done a comedy club in my life. It's weird because I don't have the same background as most comics. I don't have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
Billy Connolly