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I don't aim to offend.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Offend
Aim

More quotes by Billy Connolly

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Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
Billy Connolly
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
Billy Connolly
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I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
Billy Connolly
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Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?
Billy Connolly
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If you're going to do an interview about a movie or anything like that, you're vulnerable. You say stupid things. Or if you're applying for a green card you feel very vulnerable and you're likely to spout out something stupid in the middle of it all.
Billy Connolly
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
Billy Connolly
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
Billy Connolly
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The more you know the less the better.
Billy Connolly
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
Billy Connolly
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
Billy Connolly
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, Did you fall? He said, No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.
Billy Connolly
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
Billy Connolly
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I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
Billy Connolly
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If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
Billy Connolly
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I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.
Billy Connolly
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I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
Billy Connolly
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
Billy Connolly
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I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
Billy Connolly
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I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
Billy Connolly
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What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
Billy Connolly