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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Parents
Comedy
Parent
Tell
Used
Take
Zoos
Pet
Department
More quotes by Billy Connolly
I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.
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Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. It's the best in the world, he said. What type is it?, I asked and he said ten past twelve.
Billy Connolly
I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
Billy Connolly
Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
Billy Connolly
I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'.
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.
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Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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Don't die until you're dead.
Billy Connolly
All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
Billy Connolly
There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.
Billy Connolly
