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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Pet
Department
Parents
Comedy
Parent
Tell
Used
Take
Zoos
More quotes by Billy Connolly
Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, Did you fall? He said, No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.
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,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.
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Don't die until you're dead.
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For me, it's about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
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I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly
Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.
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The more you know the less the better.
Billy Connolly
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. Is this yours? she asked probably said Paddy she burns everything else
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Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
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Never trust anybody with only one book.
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Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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I don't aim to offend.
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I'm one of the school of people who don't do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I've done, I've never done any research.
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
Billy Connolly