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I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Supposed
Dashboard
Worked
Dashboards
Wind
Flap
Space
Parking
Religion
Marijuana
Give
Angels
Giving
Wings
Believe
Angel
More quotes by Billy Connolly
I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.
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I'm one of the school of people who don't do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I've done, I've never done any research.
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I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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For me, it's about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
Billy Connolly
Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. Is this yours? she asked probably said Paddy she burns everything else
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
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I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... wrll, it's because the national anthem is boring.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
Billy Connolly
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.
Billy Connolly