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I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Wind
Flap
Space
Parking
Religion
Marijuana
Give
Angels
Giving
Wings
Believe
Angel
Supposed
Dashboard
Worked
Dashboards
More quotes by Billy Connolly
Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. Is this yours? she asked probably said Paddy she burns everything else
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I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
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The more you know the less the better.
Billy Connolly
I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
Billy Connolly
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
Billy Connolly
[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.
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Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.
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On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it's like they're in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
Billy Connolly
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
Billy Connolly
Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
Billy Connolly
Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
Billy Connolly