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I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Give
Angels
Giving
Wings
Believe
Angel
Supposed
Dashboard
Worked
Dashboards
Wind
Flap
Space
Parking
Religion
Marijuana
More quotes by Billy Connolly
Try to live in a place you like.
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I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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If you're going to do an interview about a movie or anything like that, you're vulnerable. You say stupid things. Or if you're applying for a green card you feel very vulnerable and you're likely to spout out something stupid in the middle of it all.
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I just believe in the movie. I don't care what the book was like. I don't care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I've got.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly
I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
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I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. Is this yours? she asked probably said Paddy she burns everything else
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Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
Billy Connolly
I'm one of the school of people who don't do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I've done, I've never done any research.
Billy Connolly
I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
Billy Connolly
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Billy Connolly
Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
Billy Connolly
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
Billy Connolly
Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.
Billy Connolly
I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
Billy Connolly
