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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Think
Rotten
Thinking
Useless
Blow
Terrible
Comedy
Word
Makes
Made
Redundant
More quotes by Billy Connolly
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it's folded.
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I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy..
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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Don't die until you're dead.
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Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
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If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?
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What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
Billy Connolly
Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.
Billy Connolly
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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I just believe in the movie. I don't care what the book was like. I don't care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I've got.
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Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born nowhere! It's over!
Billy Connolly
