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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Comedy
Look
Looks
Great
Glasgow
Thing
Afterwards
Attack
Nuclear
Exactly

More quotes by Billy Connolly

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Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, Did you fall? He said, No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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If you're going to do an interview about a movie or anything like that, you're vulnerable. You say stupid things. Or if you're applying for a green card you feel very vulnerable and you're likely to spout out something stupid in the middle of it all.
Billy Connolly
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I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
Billy Connolly
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
Billy Connolly
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.
Billy Connolly
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I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.
Billy Connolly
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
Billy Connolly
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
Billy Connolly
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
Billy Connolly
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
Billy Connolly
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Never trust anybody with only one book.
Billy Connolly
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
Billy Connolly
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
Billy Connolly
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A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
Billy Connolly
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.
Billy Connolly
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... wrll, it's because the national anthem is boring.
Billy Connolly
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There's nothing like it, but it's not as good as you think it's going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club's badge - but not a sausage.
Billy Connolly