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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Wonderful
Repair
Cycling
Bicycle
Bike
Wedding
Invention
Marriage
More quotes by Billy Connolly
Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.
Billy Connolly
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
Billy Connolly
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
Billy Connolly
Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... wrll, it's because the national anthem is boring.
Billy Connolly
I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
Billy Connolly
A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
Billy Connolly
I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy..
Billy Connolly
When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
Billy Connolly
I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.
Billy Connolly
If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
Billy Connolly
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. Is this yours? she asked probably said Paddy she burns everything else
Billy Connolly
Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
Billy Connolly
My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
Billy Connolly
I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
Billy Connolly
And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. It's the best in the world, he said. What type is it?, I asked and he said ten past twelve.
Billy Connolly
I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.
Billy Connolly
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
Billy Connolly
A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.
Billy Connolly
Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, Did you fall? He said, No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.
Billy Connolly
