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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Wonderful
Repair
Cycling
Bicycle
Bike
Wedding
Invention
Marriage

More quotes by Billy Connolly

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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. Is this yours? she asked probably said Paddy she burns everything else
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Never trust anybody with only one book.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
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I just believe in the movie. I don't care what the book was like. I don't care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I've got.
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The more you know the less the better.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
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I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'.
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I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
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I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
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The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.
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I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
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Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.
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I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, Did you fall? He said, No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
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