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I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things are going downhill quickly, but Obama's new campaign slogan is 'Are you better off than you were four days ago?'
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Wall
Campaign
Days
Campaigns
Heard
Quickly
Four
Obama
Downhill
Better
Street
Slogan
Going
Market
Farmer
Things
Streets
Slogans
News
Farmers
More quotes by Bill Maher
If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.
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That's ended, that's over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I'm a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho.
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Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was 'collecting his thoughts.' What a time to start a new hobby.'
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Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'
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The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.
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In fact, because people are religious, they think they can do bad things.
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This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.
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I think the right-wingers have to buddy up to the fact that either the minimum wage has to go up, and people get enough money to live, or you're always going to have people needing government assistance. You can't have it both ways.
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I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.
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You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery...
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You know, the only place in America where the millionaires and billionaires are predominantly liberal is here in Hollywood.
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The Senate decided they will be smoke-free. They ordained that all public areas in the Senate are now smoke-free. However, the senators themselves will still be allowed to blow smoke up each other's asses.
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The unemployment rate is now at 9.2%, which is scary, because experts say 9.5 is the point at which people are desperate enough to consider Michele Bachmann.
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I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras since Eric Garner IS on tape?
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If anybody is so mad at Vladimir Putin, you know what they could do? They could advocate for a gas tax. He gets all his leverage from selling gas and oil. If we had a gas tax that made that less palatable, he would be less of a player on the world stage.
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You can’t be a rational person six days a week and on one day of the week, go to a building, and think you are drinking the blood of a two thousand year old space god. That doesn’t make you a person of faith…, that makes you a schizophrenic.
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I have such disdain for anybody who gets joy out of blowing the stuffing out of a little woodland creature, that I don't really care if any of them gets shot.
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I believe only foreigners should run for president...Face it, the presidency is a lousy job. And who does lousy jobs we don't want anymore better than foreigners?
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