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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Coming
Probably
Stuff
Going
Something
Anti
Always
Mouth
Gay
Mouths

More quotes by Bill Maher

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London. Another terrorist attack and ISIS claimed credit. I am surprised because I thought we had wiped out ISIS on day one as Donald Trump said.
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This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.
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Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back east shut down the government. He said, 'That my job!' But you know, there is a big difference between Ted Cruz and snow. Both are white and everyone’s sick of them – but eventually snow goes away.
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My father said, Bring along your best girl. This is something you say to a pimp!
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Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass, and it translate to beef with broccoli. The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
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I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras since Eric Garner IS on tape?
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Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you're going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces.
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Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.
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The only sport I really get into is snowboarding. Cause that's the only sport where they perform a half pipe just after smoking a full pipe.
Bill Maher
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Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'
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Stupidity is not another form of knowledge.
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What is Kanye West's message? Like most rap, I am the greatest person ever and you're not. I used to call it affirmative action for the ego.
Bill Maher
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What a day for the Tea Party people. Did you see that? America's parks and fairgrounds were lost in a sea of man-boobs. They were venting their anger and rage against taxes, which, of course, in most cases for them went down. Protesting their taxes went down, but you know, why let the truth spoil a perfectly good Klan rally.
Bill Maher
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George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book.
Bill Maher
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The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.'
Bill Maher
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When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, 'I want to help you get teeth.' Why does that make me an a**hole?
Bill Maher
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The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: At some point, a pit bull does stop whining.
Bill Maher
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John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown.
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Some people think I enjoy debate. I don't. I wish everyone agreed with me it would save a lot of time.
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Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion that Jack built a beanstalk today, you would know the difference? Why do you believe in one fairy tale and not the other? Just because adults told you it was true and they scared you into believing it, at pain of death, at pain of burning in hell.
Bill Maher