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I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Room
Rooms
Hookers
Strange
Sandwich
Called
Sandwiches
Two
Hotel
Sent
Staying
Service

More quotes by Bill Maher

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I get the Playboy thing a lot. People assume I go out with bimbos. I couldn`t go out with bimbos if I tried! I scare them off! The women that like me are smart. So I go to the Playboy Mansion four or five times a year, but people think I go all the time.
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Their [Republicans] approach to a woman's body is the same as their approach to the economy: they have no idea how it works, but they're eager to screw with it anyway.
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I never hear terrorists say 'Merry Christmas,' only 'Allahu Akbar'.
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I don't say that I'm an atheist. I don't like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don't know. And if you don't know - and you don't - just man up and say you don't know. Don't turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?
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Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
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I don't know if [Barack Obama] saw the latest religion survey, but almost a quarter of the country are Nones. I don't mean the ones who hit me on the knuckles with a ruler in Sunday School - I mean they put None for religion.
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The NYPD must stop acting like the only thing black people do is run from them and shoot at them. Believe it or not there are some black New Yorkers who won't run and can't shoot -- they're called the # Knicks .
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Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.
Bill Maher
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I don't believe in a lot of things from the Bronze Age, but an eye for an eye does make a sort of symmetrical sense to me. I really believe that if somebody takes a life, that [death penalty] is what they should get. I also think it's a lot more humane than keeping people in a cage for the rest of their life.
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Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'
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If we stopped calling it profiling and started calling it proactive intelligence screening or high alert detecting, people would be saying Well, it's about time.
Bill Maher
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you'll wind up with a lover.
Bill Maher
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There are two things that you have to lie to get through. One is politics, and the other is marriage.
Bill Maher
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Hillary Clinton and Nancy Reagan have a lot in common - they're both smarter than their husbands and both consulted the stars for guidance, Nancy with astrology and Hillary with Barbra Streisand.
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Republicans look to find the future and they find radio.
Bill Maher
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As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.
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Only a Bush could answer a 'yes' or 'no' question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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When I was 5-years-old, I knew who Khrushchev was.
Bill Maher