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I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Room
Rooms
Hookers
Strange
Sandwich
Called
Sandwiches
Two
Hotel
Sent
Staying
Service

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I'm okay with it now that Obama’s in office. I'm kind of trusting of him. But President Ted Cruz? Where this is going would bother me.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
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The Eleventh Commandment: don't speak ill of a fellow Republican. What if the fellow Republican is doing something that hurts America? Isn't it the patriot who sides with America before he sides with the Republicans?
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To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
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Officials believe that one of the terrorists was a woman. And there are female suicide bombers. It's just that their reward in paradise is a little different. Instead of getting 72 virgins, they get 72 guys who just listen.
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Republicans look to find the future and they find radio.
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Gingrich is the foremost intellectual in the Republican party like Gene Simmons is the foremost intellectual in Kiss.
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We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
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Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we're someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
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The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: At some point, a pit bull does stop whining.
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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Why are the patriots the ones who don't want to spend money on trains?
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Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.
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Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion that Jack built a beanstalk today, you would know the difference? Why do you believe in one fairy tale and not the other? Just because adults told you it was true and they scared you into believing it, at pain of death, at pain of burning in hell.
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Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.
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I believe only foreigners should run for president...Face it, the presidency is a lousy job. And who does lousy jobs we don't want anymore better than foreigners?
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