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My father said, Bring along your best girl. This is something you say to a pimp!
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Best
Something
Pimp
Along
Bring
Girl
Father
More quotes by Bill Maher
I never hear terrorists say 'Merry Christmas,' only 'Allahu Akbar'.
Bill Maher
I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
Bill Maher
What does it take for Republicans to take off the flag pin and say, 'I am just too embarrassed to be on this team'?
Bill Maher
Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you're going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces.
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London. Another terrorist attack and ISIS claimed credit. I am surprised because I thought we had wiped out ISIS on day one as Donald Trump said.
Bill Maher
Community is gathering around a fire and listening to someone tell a story.
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John Kerry is finding out that it is no fun to be the front runner, that's when you get all the heat. He had to deny internet rumors this week that he had Botox treatments. The Republicans say Kerry should have a clear, unfurrowed brow the old fashioned way by not giving a sh--.
Bill Maher
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.
Bill Maher
The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: At some point, a pit bull does stop whining.
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Herman Cain answered the Wall Street protesters, and he had a message for these protesters. He said, 'If you don't have a job, if you're not rich, don't blame Wall Street, don't blame the banks, blame yourself.' And a nation of out of work teabaggers said, 'Yeah! Hey, wait a minute.'
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The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality.
Bill Maher
Ebola has arrived in New York City. And I say, 'if it can make it there...it can make it anywhere!'
Bill Maher
Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.
Bill Maher
[George W. Bush] has balls. And he's a leader. Unfortunately his balls and leadership are in the service of shitty ideas. We need his balls on someone who thinks right.
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I'm guessing our soldiers are happy to be leaving Iraq. It is no fun being in a country where there's crumbling infrastructure and an ignorant population, but they said they're happy to come home anyway.
Bill Maher
Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion that Jack built a beanstalk today, you would know the difference? Why do you believe in one fairy tale and not the other? Just because adults told you it was true and they scared you into believing it, at pain of death, at pain of burning in hell.
Bill Maher
Look, I have never made a secret of the fact that I have tried marijuana... About 50,000 times.
Bill Maher
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
Bill Maher
Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.
Bill Maher
You can behead people, you can crucify them, you can cut their hearts out and eat them on YouTube...but, don't screw with the place where God hid America's oil.
Bill Maher