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Space tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Way
Tourism
Lap
Cocaine
Spending
Telling
Aren
Space
Enough
Dances

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I hate religion. I think it's a neurological disorder.
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The Tea Baggers, they're not a movement, they're a cult.... Cults tend to populate from within, encouraging members to have huge broods of children and to give them strange names, like Moonbeam, and Trig.
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I love trains. It's the only way to travel anymore where it doesn't involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh.
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Republicans look to find the future and they find radio.
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Newt Gingrich...is absolutely for bombing Iran and for lowering gas prices. And I've just to say, you can't be for both. They are diametrically opposed.
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Ebola has arrived in New York City. And I say, 'if it can make it there...it can make it anywhere!'
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What does it take for Republicans to take off the flag pin and say, 'I am just too embarrassed to be on this team'?
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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The plain fact is religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key deciscions made by religious people. By irrationalists. By those who would steer the ship of state, not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken.
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Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called Sin City is allowed to be a drunk.
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If the bible myth of Jonah in the whale and the Mother Goose myth of Jack and the Beanstalk were switched at birth so that Jack in the Beanstalk were in the bible, do you think any child would notice?
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Eunice Kennedy Shriver, President Kennedy's sister, endorsed Arnold Schwarzenegger, said he's not a womanizer. Of course by Kennedy standards that means he never drove one off a bridge.
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.
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They told us to buy duct tape and portable radios so that if the world does end, we can all listen to Rush Limbaugh blame it on Clinton.
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I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things are going downhill quickly, but Obama's new campaign slogan is 'Are you better off than you were four days ago?'
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You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery...
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Let's face it God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
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Let us not become so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance.
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I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it?
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