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Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Promise
Anyone
Sure
Dies
Dont
Happens
Possess
Powers
Tells
Mental

More quotes by Bill Maher

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I doubt anything will really come of this lawsuit. First of all, it's a lawsuit. It involves a subpoena. And try to find a Republican who will be willing to be seen serving a black man.
Bill Maher
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This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.
Bill Maher
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he'd have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
Bill Maher
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I used to stay at the Trump [hotels] and I just wouldn't now. The people were great, but I wouldn't stay at a 'birther' hotel.
Bill Maher
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One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.
Bill Maher
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Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don't need birth control, you are birth control.
Bill Maher
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The great thing about having been poor is how liberated it makes you if you eventually become rich. There's nothing like the knowledge that you don't need money to survive. That the money cushion you lie on every night doesn't have to be three feet thick, and you can still get to sleep.
Bill Maher
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This Ted Cruz guy, I mean, he incurred the wrath, really, of his own party. They don't like him. Democrats hate him. Independents hate him. Republicans hate him. Even Miley Cyrus, he's the one guy she refuses to lick.
Bill Maher
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But isn't there something wrong when I'm the only guy in the country that got fired for 9/11?
Bill Maher
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Let's face it God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
Bill Maher
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Talk to women who've ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
Bill Maher
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We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
Bill Maher
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When we make mistakes they call it evil
Bill Maher
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A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, was caught flirting with a woman trolling for dates on Craigslist and sent her a shirtless photo of himself. He lied about his age and his marital status. He said he was 39 and divorced. He's 46 and married, though being a Republican congressman, I'm guessing he's really 60 and gay.
Bill Maher
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I believe only foreigners should run for president...Face it, the presidency is a lousy job. And who does lousy jobs we don't want anymore better than foreigners?
Bill Maher
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40% of homicides go unsolved. You know, it's not a very good record. And, also, 95% of convictions in America come from plea bargaining, which is often coerced. It's like we have the worst of both worlds. We don't convict the guilty enough, and we coerce the innocent too much.
Bill Maher
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Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.
Bill Maher
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Obama is not a secret Kenyon, or a secret Muslim, he's a secret Republican.
Bill Maher
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Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.
Bill Maher
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I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?
Bill Maher