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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Pants
Bigs
Women
Littles
Ideas
Little

More quotes by Bill Maher

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There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater.
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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Only cowards push a button from thousands of miles away, or tens of thousands of feet up, to kill people who can't possibly fight back.
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Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about...Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings, who don't have all the answers, to think that they do.
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It's that time of year again, April 15, taxes. I know it's depressing, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals, and an army to keep the nation free. Unfortunately that nation is Afghanistan.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they'd said or did when they were in office.
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Rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price.
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Religion is insanity by consensus.
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It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.
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Republicans stand by their convictions. Stupid, ignorant, world-destroying convictions based on disproven economic fantasies and ancient books full of primitive morality and magic people. But convictions, nonetheless.
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As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.
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It just seems like atheists are not included in the basket of diversity in America, which is odd because we are the biggest minority. That is a bigger minority than any other minority you can name.
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Space tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
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You can behead people, you can crucify them, you can cut their hearts out and eat them on YouTube...but, don't screw with the place where God hid America's oil.
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People sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it's hard at the beginning.
Bill Maher
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There are only three ways a congressman goes out: They die in office, they cash in as a lobbyist, or they mistakenly tweet a picture of their d*ck.
Bill Maher
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I don't believe in a lot of things from the Bronze Age, but an eye for an eye does make a sort of symmetrical sense to me. I really believe that if somebody takes a life, that [death penalty] is what they should get. I also think it's a lot more humane than keeping people in a cage for the rest of their life.
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Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week: 'Are you better off than you were four wives ago?'
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One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.
Bill Maher