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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Trying
Donating
Worthless
Democrats
Democrat
Spend
Cause
Millions
Causes

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The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: At some point, a pit bull does stop whining.
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It's that time of year again, April 15, taxes. I know it's depressing, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals, and an army to keep the nation free. Unfortunately that nation is Afghanistan.
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If nobody is clear on what you're protesting, it's not a protest. Thousands of people gathered in London this week to voice their disapproval of the G-20. Their basic message being, Stop all your globalizing and unite the world!
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It's supposed to be a good thing that he's got this dialogue started. To me, I think, I just took away something bad from it, because, apparently he had to do this not to convince them of anything. To educate them.
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you'll wind up with a lover.
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If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You're not a Christian.
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Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I returned abortions to back alleys where it belongs, my work here is done.' I think that's what he said, he was chewing a crayon.
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All across the Middle East in the streets, people are demanding democracy. It's amazing. The only way in America you get people to get worked up like that is to threaten to give them health care.
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The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
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One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.
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The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.
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Canadian bacon isn't bacon. It's ham.
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What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don't call him stupid because they don't agree with you politically.
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Kids. They're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for having sex.
Bill Maher
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When you look at belief in such things - as do you go to heaven, is there a devil - we have more in common with (Muslin countries) Turkey and Iran and Syria than we do with European nations and Canada and nations that, yes, I would consider more enlightened that us.
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Catholicism has changed tremendously in recent years. Now when Communion is served there is also a salad bar.
Bill Maher
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Ronald Reagan basically legalized every illegal immigrant in this country. I just like to bring this up because every week I like to make Republican heads explode about how they love Ronald Reagan, but would despise everything he did.
Bill Maher
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Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you that there wouldn't be so much traffic if people like you put down the phone and concentrated on the road... besides I can't talk now, I'm in the car behind you trying to watch a DVD.
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They told us to buy duct tape and portable radios so that if the world does end, we can all listen to Rush Limbaugh blame it on Clinton.
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So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.
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