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The Eleventh Commandment: don't speak ill of a fellow Republican. What if the fellow Republican is doing something that hurts America? Isn't it the patriot who sides with America before he sides with the Republicans?

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
America
Republicans
Something
Ill
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Eleventh
Republican
Commandment
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New Rule: News organizations have to stop using the phrase: We go beyond the headlines. That's your job, dummy. You don't see American Airlines saying, We land our jets on the runway!
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[George W. Bush] has balls. And he's a leader. Unfortunately his balls and leadership are in the service of shitty ideas. We need his balls on someone who thinks right.
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I'll clue you in on a secret: death is not the worst thing that could happen to you. I know we think that we are the first society ever to think that. It's not worse than dishonor it's not worse than losing your freedom its not worse than losing a sense of personal responsibility.
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you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!
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People sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it's hard at the beginning.
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All I'm saying, as a fan, is I'm tired of the same song for 30 years. Can't we change the message a little? You've arrived. You have a black president. Every white guy in a commercial doesn't have to be the idiot and every black guy in a rap song doesn't have to be God's gift to the world.
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It's a little strange when you have never been to war, and you eye-roll about a guy who's got shrapnel still in his body, as Chuck Hagel does.
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Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.
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Greed can overtake smart.
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You can behead people, you can crucify them, you can cut their hearts out and eat them on YouTube...but, don't screw with the place where God hid America's oil.
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Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.
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I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller country.
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I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras since Eric Garner IS on tape?
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