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New Rule: The people of America who were most in favor of the Iraq War must now go there and fight it.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Iraq
Rule
Fight
Fighting
War
America
Must
Favor
People
Favors
More quotes by Bill Maher
New rule: If churches don't have to pay taxes, they also can't call the fire department when they catch fire. Sorry reverend, that's one of those services that goes along with paying in. I'll use the fire department I pay for. You can pray for rain.
Bill Maher
Disneyland's a mess. And it's not just the measles. Donald Duck has bird flu. Pocahontas has small pox. The Little Mermaid has crabs. And the Monorail? Mono.
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I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things are going downhill quickly, but Obama's new campaign slogan is 'Are you better off than you were four days ago?'
Bill Maher
What is Kanye West's message? Like most rap, I am the greatest person ever and you're not. I used to call it affirmative action for the ego.
Bill Maher
Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.
Bill Maher
This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.
Bill Maher
Look, I have never made a secret of the fact that I have tried marijuana... About 50,000 times.
Bill Maher
The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
Bill Maher
I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.
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Today Obama was seen leaving the White House in a nurse's uniform on a flight to Cuba to smother Castro with a pillow.
Bill Maher
Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.
Bill Maher
To even win a nomination in this country, you have to say you're a person of great faith. You have to pledge to the people out there that you put your faith in things that are unable to be proven - that you suspend critical thinking as the way to go.
Bill Maher
Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
Bill Maher
The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
Bill Maher
There are only three ways a congressman goes out: They die in office, they cash in as a lobbyist, or they mistakenly tweet a picture of their d*ck.
Bill Maher
We do it all the time, we legislate taste. We do it with the tax code. Churches and children get a tax break, because it's assumed that we all agree that we want to encourage churches and children. I don't. I don't. That's my opinion. I don't want to encourage either churches or children, and it's a very bad idea to put them together.
Bill Maher
If anybody is so mad at Vladimir Putin, you know what they could do? They could advocate for a gas tax. He gets all his leverage from selling gas and oil. If we had a gas tax that made that less palatable, he would be less of a player on the world stage.
Bill Maher
The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.
Bill Maher
A cult is a cult, and that's what a frat is. A place where they strip you of your personality and rebuild it in their image.
Bill Maher
