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Do you want to know why marijuana is illegal? Because the drug companies want marijuana to be illegal. You see, if it came down to Prozak versus Marijuana, Prozak would lose.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
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Versus
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Marijuana
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More quotes by Bill Maher
We don't do sensible things. This is America.
Bill Maher
Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting him in context.
Bill Maher
Today Obama was seen leaving the White House in a nurse's uniform on a flight to Cuba to smother Castro with a pillow.
Bill Maher
I don't believe in a lot of things from the Bronze Age, but an eye for an eye does make a sort of symmetrical sense to me. I really believe that if somebody takes a life, that [death penalty] is what they should get. I also think it's a lot more humane than keeping people in a cage for the rest of their life.
Bill Maher
Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it's sexy but one thing that men never think is, Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.
Bill Maher
That Mitt Romney, he is a master campaigner. This week he was introducing his wife, and he said, 'She is the heavyweight champion of my life.” Which may explain why on the ride home, he was strapped to the roof of the car.
Bill Maher
To even win a nomination in this country, you have to say you're a person of great faith. You have to pledge to the people out there that you put your faith in things that are unable to be proven - that you suspend critical thinking as the way to go.
Bill Maher
I don't know if [Barack Obama] saw the latest religion survey, but almost a quarter of the country are Nones. I don't mean the ones who hit me on the knuckles with a ruler in Sunday School - I mean they put None for religion.
Bill Maher
Religion is insanity by consensus.
Bill Maher
If there is such a thing as karma, let's hope that Sarah Palin comes back as a wolf being shot at from a plane.
Bill Maher
Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can't pass a background check support background checks.
Bill Maher
John Kerry is finding out that it is no fun to be the front runner, that's when you get all the heat. He had to deny internet rumors this week that he had Botox treatments. The Republicans say Kerry should have a clear, unfurrowed brow the old fashioned way by not giving a sh--.
Bill Maher
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is to realistically criticize what's wrong with it.
Bill Maher
The [Libyan] rebels this week kind of hinted to the United States that they could use a little help. Right. Like, America would just blunder around the Middle East killing people without all the facts. That doesn't sound like the America I know.
Bill Maher
It's going to be Perry, it's going to be Romney...It's sort of a battle for the soul of the Republican Party - and they have no soul, but the space where a soul would be.
Bill Maher
France... What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?
Bill Maher
Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
Bill Maher
Death is the monster we all fear, yet with each day, we walk toward it, and can't help doing so we can't help but walk toward the one thing we're most trying to avoid.
Bill Maher
Shouldn't we be against procreation at this point in time? With overpopulation and the strain on the resources on this planet? Shouldn't we reward people who don't spawn?
Bill Maher
Why can't God just defeat the devil and get rid of evil? It's the same reason the comic book character can't get rid of his nemesis then there's no story.
Bill Maher