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I couldn't run for any office. I think that religion is bad, weed is good, and babies are disgusting who would vote for me?

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Running
Babies
Good
Disgusting
Would
Weed
Think
Vote
Thinking
Couldn
Office
Baby
Religion

More quotes by Bill Maher

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I always say to my religious friends, if a pool had even one turd in it, would you jump in?
Bill Maher
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Kids. They're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for having sex.
Bill Maher
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Sam Harris made that great analogy. He said, 'If someone was talking into their hair dryer and claiming that they were speaking to God, they would call Bellevue. But, take away the hair dryer, it's just praying.'
Bill Maher
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They told us to buy duct tape and portable radios so that if the world does end, we can all listen to Rush Limbaugh blame it on Clinton.
Bill Maher
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I was out at the HBO party, these are liberals, I imagine, and a lot of people came up to me and said, Keep giving it to the president.
Bill Maher
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we're someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
Bill Maher
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It just seems like atheists are not included in the basket of diversity in America, which is odd because we are the biggest minority. That is a bigger minority than any other minority you can name.
Bill Maher
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A flu shot just compromises your immune system.
Bill Maher
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Your fuselage shouldn't open more easily than your pretzel bag.
Bill Maher
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Republicans are always saying we should privatize things like schools, prisons, social security - hey, how about we privatize privacy! Because if the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what is their alternative? They can`t all marry Liza Minnelli.
Bill Maher
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I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras since Eric Garner IS on tape?
Bill Maher
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Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it
Bill Maher
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I'm a pessimist by nature. A pot head, but a pessimist.
Bill Maher
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'
Bill Maher
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Disneyland's a mess. And it's not just the measles. Donald Duck has bird flu. Pocahontas has small pox. The Little Mermaid has crabs. And the Monorail? Mono.
Bill Maher
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Look, I have never made a secret of the fact that I have tried marijuana... About 50,000 times.
Bill Maher
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A cult is a cult, and that's what a frat is. A place where they strip you of your personality and rebuild it in their image.
Bill Maher
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A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond to this and said, ‘It is appalling that Obama spent his teenage years goofing around and smoking pot when he should have been pinning down gay kids and cutting their hair.
Bill Maher
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Why can't God just defeat the devil and get rid of evil? It's the same reason the comic book character can't get rid of his nemesis then there's no story.
Bill Maher
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There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater.
Bill Maher