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I couldn't run for any office. I think that religion is bad, weed is good, and babies are disgusting who would vote for me?
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
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Couldn
Office
Baby
Religion
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Babies
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More quotes by Bill Maher
Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you're going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces.
Bill Maher
If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'
Bill Maher
Guys you have way too much invested in sport. Guys you are not the tenth man. You're a machine for turning beer into piss that's what you are!
Bill Maher
George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book.
Bill Maher
My father said, Bring along your best girl. This is something you say to a pimp!
Bill Maher
A president can be unpopular for good reasons. You know, I'm not always on the side that the people are right, for God's sake. But, you know, he's not popular when he goes overseas. He couldn't go to Rosa Parks' funeral.
Bill Maher
I want to always be an interloper. I never want to feel like I'm a guy who is embraced by the people who are putting me on the air. I want to feel like I broke into the studio and took over and made them mad. If I'm not doing that, I'm not doing my job.
Bill Maher
Why is Mitt Romney not bragging: 'I covered all these people'? Why can't the Democrats sell the idea, we're trying to make you well? Is that such a hard sale?
Bill Maher
Community is gathering around a fire and listening to someone tell a story.
Bill Maher
In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
Bill Maher
The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
Bill Maher
People have romantic notions about television. In the highest realms they think it's some sort of art medium, and it's not. Others think it's an entertainment medium, it's not that either. It's an advertising medium. It's a method to deliver advertising like a cigarette is a method to deliver nicotine.
Bill Maher
I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.
Bill Maher
I think Democrats are complacent. They think that Russia is going to save us. Bob Mueller is going to come in with a report.
Bill Maher
They say that Japan's rigorous building codes and regulations saved thousands of lives over there. Or, as Republicans here saw it, it 'fostered a socialist, anti-business environment that's worse than being dead.'
Bill Maher
Look, I have never made a secret of the fact that I have tried marijuana... About 50,000 times.
Bill Maher
I love the Tea Party. They are the ultimate beer goggles. They make everything look better.
Bill Maher
The president had a press conference about this this week and he said that the U.S. has no plans to attack North Korea. And then he added, 'Like having no plan ever stopped me before.'. He has something even more deadly in store for them - we're going to bring them democracy.
Bill Maher
Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
Bill Maher
It's going to be Perry, it's going to be Romney...It's sort of a battle for the soul of the Republican Party - and they have no soul, but the space where a soul would be.
Bill Maher