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There are only three ways a congressman goes out: They die in office, they cash in as a lobbyist, or they mistakenly tweet a picture of their d*ck.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Way
Tweet
Cash
Picture
Office
Goes
Lobbyist
Ways
Mistakenly
Dies
Lobbyists
Three
Congressman
More quotes by Bill Maher
To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.
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I believe only foreigners should run for president...Face it, the presidency is a lousy job. And who does lousy jobs we don't want anymore better than foreigners?
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I never, ever in my life tried to be outrageous. I've only ever tried to say what was truly on my mind and not pull punches about it.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't be destroyed, then implant one in your uterus and bring it to term. That's right, put your cervix where your mouth is.
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The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
Bill Maher
The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you'll wind up with a lover.
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A new biography of Madonna came out last week, and apparently the biography lists all the men she's slept with. The book is apparently called the Manhattan Telephone Directory.
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Eunice Kennedy Shriver, President Kennedy's sister, endorsed Arnold Schwarzenegger, said he's not a womanizer. Of course by Kennedy standards that means he never drove one off a bridge.
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In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
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Greed can overtake smart.
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Sarah Palin should not be on vacation. She should be in summer school.
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I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.
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Tea Party has now cost the Republicans 5 senate seats. My next donation is going to them.
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I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of?
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.
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Gordon Gekko was right: greed is good. Because, the potty-trained Republicans have now stepped forward - like the Koch brothers - to say, 'You know what? You yokels stop talking about defaulting on the debt, because I'm going to lose a fortune!'
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If conservatives don't want to be seen as bitter people who cling to their guns and religion and anti-immigrant sentiments, they should stop being bitter and clinging to their guns, religion and anti-immigrant sentiments.
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People like the Mormons and the Scientologists, who I think should combine and make a Mormontologist because what they believe is just so out there it's just laughable.
Bill Maher
