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You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack of blunts.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Leader
Party
Blunts
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Pack
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Democratic
More quotes by Bill Maher
I think Democrats are complacent. They think that Russia is going to save us. Bob Mueller is going to come in with a report.
Bill Maher
Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting him in context.
Bill Maher
I always say to my religious friends, if a pool had even one turd in it, would you jump in?
Bill Maher
If there is such a thing as karma, let's hope that Sarah Palin comes back as a wolf being shot at from a plane.
Bill Maher
If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.
Bill Maher
People have romantic notions about television. In the highest realms they think it's some sort of art medium, and it's not. Others think it's an entertainment medium, it's not that either. It's an advertising medium. It's a method to deliver advertising like a cigarette is a method to deliver nicotine.
Bill Maher
I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?
Bill Maher
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.
Bill Maher
Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion that Jack built a beanstalk today, you would know the difference? Why do you believe in one fairy tale and not the other? Just because adults told you it was true and they scared you into believing it, at pain of death, at pain of burning in hell.
Bill Maher
So when I say we had been the cowards, yes, that's what I meant, we as a society. And that's everybody, including myself. I had been screaming about the drug war and this war and other wars. I should have been more on terrorism, too. So should you, so should everybody.
Bill Maher
I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it?
Bill Maher
I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller country.
Bill Maher
I don't do heroin myself, but it's done wonders for my music collection.
Bill Maher
Have you ever met a war you didn't love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
Bill Maher
Marvel Comics announced that the next Captain America will be black. He has the same powers as white Captain America, except he has to show I.D. when he votes.
Bill Maher
Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'
Bill Maher
In Republican fantasy world, everything is always Obama's fault. Somehow, he's weak and he's ineffective, and yet he pulls the strings on everything in the world.
Bill Maher
Republicans are taking the defeat over Health Care as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage.
Bill Maher
Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?
Bill Maher
Is it like gay men go into the priesthood because they figure, Well, this'll solve my problem. I can't be a homosexual in the priesthood it'll just go away. Maybe I'll try it with the Republican Party.
Bill Maher
