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Rick Santorum said this week that his 12-year-old could out-reason me about God. Look, I am not about to debate a home-schooled 12-year-old. I have enough trouble with Sarah Palin.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
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Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
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New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
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Sarah
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More quotes by Bill Maher
Being a conservative also used to involve the concept of people being free to do whatever they want to do, as long as it doesn't hurt somebody else. Conservatives used to be very libertarian.
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The only sport I really get into is snowboarding. Cause that's the only sport where they perform a half pipe just after smoking a full pipe.
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I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?
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Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'
Bill Maher
Talk to women who've ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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My father said, Bring along your best girl. This is something you say to a pimp!
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Just be happy that something traveled 5,000 miles across the Pacific and, for once, it wasn't your job.
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Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week: 'Are you better off than you were four wives ago?'
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There's a word the teabaggers have wanted to use since Obama came on the scene, but they can't because it's not the 1950s. They would love to say this word. It begins with an N and ends with -er, and it's not nation-builder.
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There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater.
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We survived the 1980's. Back then, the economic program was called 'trickle down.' That actually meant they were pissing on you. How the whole theory goes was this: 'We have all the money. If we drop some, it's yours. Go for it.'
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The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.
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Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'
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That Mitt Romney, he is a master campaigner. This week he was introducing his wife, and he said, 'She is the heavyweight champion of my life.” Which may explain why on the ride home, he was strapped to the roof of the car.
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We don't do sensible things. This is America.
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Greed can overtake smart.
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Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with.
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I don't think all life is precious. I know people say that all the time, Life is precious. I think some life is precious, and some life is just a waste of protoplasm. Start over.
Bill Maher
Democrats are afraid of polls. Republicans aren`t afraid of polls. Republicans make polls. Democrats run from polls.
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Canadian bacon isn't bacon. It's ham.
Bill Maher