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There's a new iPad out...People are going nuts for this thing...And, today, Mitt Romney said, 'It's a flat piece of white plastic. If you can love it, why not me?'

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Going
Flats
Love
Plastic
People
Nuts
Piece
Ipad
Pieces
Ipads
White
Mitt
Today
Romney
Thing
Flat

More quotes by Bill Maher

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Do you want to know why marijuana is illegal? Because the drug companies want marijuana to be illegal. You see, if it came down to Prozak versus Marijuana, Prozak would lose.
Bill Maher
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I'll clue you in on a secret: death is not the worst thing that could happen to you. I know we think that we are the first society ever to think that. It's not worse than dishonor it's not worse than losing your freedom its not worse than losing a sense of personal responsibility.
Bill Maher
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The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.'
Bill Maher
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I always compare marriage to communism. They're both institutions that don't conform to human nature, so you're going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
Bill Maher
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Thanks [Donald] Trump for exposing evangelicals as 'shameless hypocrites'.
Bill Maher
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Sometimes I'm dragging my ass out to the airport at 8 a.m. on a Saturday and I'm wondering why I'm doing this, but once I walk on stage I know why...because I'm addicted.
Bill Maher
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A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, was caught flirting with a woman trolling for dates on Craigslist and sent her a shirtless photo of himself. He lied about his age and his marital status. He said he was 39 and divorced. He's 46 and married, though being a Republican congressman, I'm guessing he's really 60 and gay.
Bill Maher
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The [Libyan] rebels this week kind of hinted to the United States that they could use a little help. Right. Like, America would just blunder around the Middle East killing people without all the facts. That doesn't sound like the America I know.
Bill Maher
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you'll wind up with a lover.
Bill Maher
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he'd have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
Bill Maher
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The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality.
Bill Maher
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Failing to warn the citizens of a looming weapon of mass destruction- and that's what global warming is- in order to protect oil company profits, well, that fits for me the definition of treason.
Bill Maher
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In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts!
Bill Maher
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
Bill Maher
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they'd said or did when they were in office.
Bill Maher
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A flu shot just compromises your immune system.
Bill Maher
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Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.' You think she realizes that nuking Russia might not be good for someone who can see Russia from her house?
Bill Maher
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Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'
Bill Maher
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Look, I have never made a secret of the fact that I have tried marijuana... About 50,000 times.
Bill Maher
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Jesus, as a philosopher is wonderful. There's no greater role model, in my view, than Jesus Christ. It's just a shame that most of the people who follow him and call themselves Christians act nothing like him.
Bill Maher