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I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Think
Voting
Thinking
Cancer
People
Fun
Causes
Less
Young
America
Longevity
Important
Discouraged

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Why are the patriots the ones who don't want to spend money on trains?
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
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Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass, and it translate to beef with broccoli. The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
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I don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first inaugural, but you did mention non-believers. We appreciate it. Because we do feel like untouchables to a degree.
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Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about...Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings, who don't have all the answers, to think that they do.
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What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I'm not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they're anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they're anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they're super Christian, they're a witch.
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The Republican Party is like the corpse in 'Weekend at Bernies' and the Tea Party is like the two guys who put sunglasses and a party hat on it and drag it around.
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The idea that I hear from the right wing in the last few decades, is that any sort of sacrifice is an affront to my liberty as an American to be a pig the way I want to.
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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
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Many people can't deal with unanswered questions, which religion exploits by providing answers, even if they are just made up by someone. This is also why we love TV shows and movies that neatly wrap up everything in exactly an hour or two.
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What kind of tyrant punishes everyone just to get back at the few he's mad at? I mean, besides Chris Christie.
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The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was 'collecting his thoughts.' What a time to start a new hobby.'
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Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week: 'Are you better off than you were four wives ago?'
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I don't do heroin myself, but it's done wonders for my music collection.
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Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you that there wouldn't be so much traffic if people like you put down the phone and concentrated on the road... besides I can't talk now, I'm in the car behind you trying to watch a DVD.
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I said something recently about how the president [Barak Obama] should stop trying to placate the crazies and the right wing and the Republicans and stand up for the 70 percent of Americans who are not insane and stand up for the people who actually voted for you. That hit a real nerve.
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Religion is insanity by consensus.
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Republicans are always saying we should privatize things like schools, prisons, social security - hey, how about we privatize privacy! Because if the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what is their alternative? They can`t all marry Liza Minnelli.
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If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You're not a Christian.
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