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I have two dogs. If I had retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet, the dogs are pretty much the same thing.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Two
Children
Thing
Much
Retarded
Dogs
Dog
Hero
Pretty

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Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it's the name of one of Obama's kids.
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If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You're not a Christian.
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One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.
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Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called Sin City is allowed to be a drunk.
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Failing to warn the citizens of a looming weapon of mass destruction- and that's what global warming is- in order to protect oil company profits, well, that fits for me the definition of treason.
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Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with.
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In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts!
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How can the Republicans get away with picking their Dennis Kucinich, but when - if the Democrats tried it, all hell would break lose?
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You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack of blunts.
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Rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price.
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A lot of people say they are dyslexic some have to realize that they are just stupid.
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I'm not a joiner. I don't like organizations.
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F. Scott Fitzgerald has an indespensible quote: 'The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at once and still retain the ability to function'. Or, as I like to call it, 'O.J. killed his wife, and the police are corrupt.'
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In Republican fantasy world, everything is always Obama's fault. Somehow, he's weak and he's ineffective, and yet he pulls the strings on everything in the world.
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Every time somebody says 'Islamophobia' it gives the people who are intimidating cover.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
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Marvel Comics announced that the next Captain America will be black. He has the same powers as white Captain America, except he has to show I.D. when he votes.
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A cult is a cult, and that's what a frat is. A place where they strip you of your personality and rebuild it in their image.
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