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One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
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More quotes by Bill Maher
Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it
Bill Maher
The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
Bill Maher
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?
Bill Maher
You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery...
Bill Maher
Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
Bill Maher
Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it's sexy but one thing that men never think is, Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.
Bill Maher
A cult is a cult, and that's what a frat is. A place where they strip you of your personality and rebuild it in their image.
Bill Maher
We survived the 1980's. Back then, the economic program was called 'trickle down.' That actually meant they were pissing on you. How the whole theory goes was this: 'We have all the money. If we drop some, it's yours. Go for it.'
Bill Maher
New Rule: News organizations have to stop using the phrase: We go beyond the headlines. That's your job, dummy. You don't see American Airlines saying, We land our jets on the runway!
Bill Maher
In Republican fantasy world, everything is always Obama's fault. Somehow, he's weak and he's ineffective, and yet he pulls the strings on everything in the world.
Bill Maher
Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.
Bill Maher
The plain fact is religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key deciscions made by religious people. By irrationalists. By those who would steer the ship of state, not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken.
Bill Maher
Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
Bill Maher
In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts!
Bill Maher
You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack of blunts.
Bill Maher
Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you that there wouldn't be so much traffic if people like you put down the phone and concentrated on the road... besides I can't talk now, I'm in the car behind you trying to watch a DVD.
Bill Maher
I think Democrats are complacent. They think that Russia is going to save us. Bob Mueller is going to come in with a report.
Bill Maher
I don't respect religon. I don't respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
Bill Maher
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.
Bill Maher
Only a Bush could answer a 'yes' or 'no' question two different ways and be wrong both times.
Bill Maher