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Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. We'll try to get you work. But don't bug us about it.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
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Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
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More quotes by Bill Maher
When we make mistakes they call it evil
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Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'
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New Rule: News organizations have to stop using the phrase: We go beyond the headlines. That's your job, dummy. You don't see American Airlines saying, We land our jets on the runway!
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Obama is not a secret Kenyon, or a secret Muslim, he's a secret Republican.
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In ten Muslim countries you can get the death penalty just for being gay. If they were chopping the heads off of gay people in the Vatican, wouldn't there be a greater outcry among liberals?
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I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it?
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I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.
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I'm guessing our soldiers are happy to be leaving Iraq. It is no fun being in a country where there's crumbling infrastructure and an ignorant population, but they said they're happy to come home anyway.
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Eunice Kennedy Shriver, President Kennedy's sister, endorsed Arnold Schwarzenegger, said he's not a womanizer. Of course by Kennedy standards that means he never drove one off a bridge.
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The Republican Party is like the corpse in 'Weekend at Bernies' and the Tea Party is like the two guys who put sunglasses and a party hat on it and drag it around.
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Clint Eastwood's speech was kind of a metaphor for the entire Republican Party: A confused old person yelling at something that doesn't exist.
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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New Rule: President Bush must stop acting like WE'RE the idiots. He gives speech after speech, and the theme is always the same 'What part of freedom don't you get, you morons?'. I'll answer that for you Mr. President. The part where you give it to people by blowing them up.
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Bush the younger has two things going for him that his father never had. One: an easy charm with regular people and two: the power to make them disappear without a trial.
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Republicans stand by their convictions. Stupid, ignorant, world-destroying convictions based on disproven economic fantasies and ancient books full of primitive morality and magic people. But convictions, nonetheless.
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If the bible myth of Jonah in the whale and the Mother Goose myth of Jack and the Beanstalk were switched at birth so that Jack in the Beanstalk were in the bible, do you think any child would notice?
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It's supposed to be a good thing that he's got this dialogue started. To me, I think, I just took away something bad from it, because, apparently he had to do this not to convince them of anything. To educate them.
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The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.
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The Senate decided they will be smoke-free. They ordained that all public areas in the Senate are now smoke-free. However, the senators themselves will still be allowed to blow smoke up each other's asses.
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