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If you think Democrats are going to take away your Bible, you're an idiot. If you think they are going to take away your gun, you're an armed idiot. If you think they're going to take away your gun and give it to a Mexican to kill your God, you're Bill O'Reilly.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Give
Idiot
Take
Bill
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Gun
Going
Democrat
Think
Bills
Reilly
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Armed
Kill
Mexican
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Democrats

More quotes by Bill Maher

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Treason is when legislators vote against homeland security measures because it goes against the wishes of their political or financial backers. Treason is the fact that, as a terrorist, you could still buy a gun in this country because the NRA lobby is so strong.
Bill Maher
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Arnold was on the 'Today' show today, he was a little light on specifics. He said he could solve California's $38 billion budget deficit, without cutting spending or raising taxes because there was a third way. What is it? Let's just say it involves a robot going back in time to convince Gray Davis to go into dentistry.
Bill Maher
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This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.
Bill Maher
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Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'
Bill Maher
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Is it like gay men go into the priesthood because they figure, Well, this'll solve my problem. I can't be a homosexual in the priesthood it'll just go away. Maybe I'll try it with the Republican Party.
Bill Maher
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Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can't pass a background check support background checks.
Bill Maher
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Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion that Jack built a beanstalk today, you would know the difference? Why do you believe in one fairy tale and not the other? Just because adults told you it was true and they scared you into believing it, at pain of death, at pain of burning in hell.
Bill Maher
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
Bill Maher
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If a President must constantly remind the people that we're at war, then we're not.
Bill Maher
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Clint Eastwood's speech was kind of a metaphor for the entire Republican Party: A confused old person yelling at something that doesn't exist.
Bill Maher
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There was one awkward moment where a black man stood-up to ask a question and out of habit, Bush said 'Clemency denied.'
Bill Maher
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There are only three ways a congressman goes out: They die in office, they cash in as a lobbyist, or they mistakenly tweet a picture of their d*ck.
Bill Maher
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I always say to my religious friends, if a pool had even one turd in it, would you jump in?
Bill Maher
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New rule: If churches don't have to pay taxes, they also can't call the fire department when they catch fire. Sorry reverend, that's one of those services that goes along with paying in. I'll use the fire department I pay for. You can pray for rain.
Bill Maher
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Sam Harris made that great analogy. He said, 'If someone was talking into their hair dryer and claiming that they were speaking to God, they would call Bellevue. But, take away the hair dryer, it's just praying.'
Bill Maher
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Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it
Bill Maher
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you'll wind up with a lover.
Bill Maher
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If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.
Bill Maher
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Dealing w/ Hamas is like dealing w/ a crazy woman who’s trying to kill u – u can only hold her wrists so long before you have to slap her.
Bill Maher
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Space tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.
Bill Maher