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Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you're going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Littles
Hoping
Little
Alcohol
Fetal
Going
Russia
Reproduces
Wait
Lindsay
Americans
Syndromes
Waiting
Syndrome
White
Banned
Kids
Adoption

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Community is gathering around a fire and listening to someone tell a story.
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?
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A flu shot is the worst thing you can do.
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Tea Party has now cost the Republicans 5 senate seats. My next donation is going to them.
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It was quite a sight to see Obama next to President Hu. Obama has a Nobel Peace Prize in his basement, and Hu has a Nobel Peace Prize winner in his.
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Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.
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To those people who say, 'My father is alive because of animal experimentation,' I say, 'Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.' Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
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A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, was caught flirting with a woman trolling for dates on Craigslist and sent her a shirtless photo of himself. He lied about his age and his marital status. He said he was 39 and divorced. He's 46 and married, though being a Republican congressman, I'm guessing he's really 60 and gay.
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John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown.
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If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.
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Jesus, as a philosopher is wonderful. There's no greater role model, in my view, than Jesus Christ. It's just a shame that most of the people who follow him and call themselves Christians act nothing like him.
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Clint Eastwood's speech was kind of a metaphor for the entire Republican Party: A confused old person yelling at something that doesn't exist.
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Recently, there's been a trend in America that I find very disturbing... rewarding immoral and illegal behavior...For example, we now give free needles to junkies, which seems to me to be only a step away from giving condoms to rapists.
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There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater.
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