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Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you're going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Americans
Syndromes
Waiting
Syndrome
White
Banned
Kids
Adoption
Littles
Hoping
Little
Alcohol
Fetal
Going
Russia
Reproduces
Wait
Lindsay

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Stop saying athletes do it for the love of the game. They do it for the love of their 32-room mansion with the live shark tank in the living room. If pro sports paid minimum wage, Shaquille O'Neal would be a bouncer at Scores, and Anna Kournikova would be a mail-order bride from Minsk.
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Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.
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Government - they used to teach it in college. It's actually something you should study and learn and know how to do. The Republicans always run on the idea that government isn't very effective. Well, not the way you do it. But it can be effective.
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Only a Bush could answer a 'yes' or 'no' question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn't have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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The great thing about having been poor is how liberated it makes you if you eventually become rich. There's nothing like the knowledge that you don't need money to survive. That the money cushion you lie on every night doesn't have to be three feet thick, and you can still get to sleep.
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The media is all over this Oui interview that Arnold did 25 years ago. Now, he's admitted he smoked pot, had group sex and didn't mind dating a girl that was out of shape and kind of fat if she satisfied him sexually. So, his handlers have stopped comparing him to Reagan and started comparing him to Clinton.
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New polls show that Obama is now pulling away from Mitt Romney. And, of course, what could be more natural than to see Mitt Romney and pull away?
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Glenn Beck retired or got fired...and a lot of people are asking who will now speak for the raving lunatics who startle you outside of a parking garage?
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I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.
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If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.
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I'm not a joiner. I don't like organizations.
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Thanks [Donald] Trump for exposing evangelicals as 'shameless hypocrites'.
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Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?'
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I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!
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A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond to this and said, ‘It is appalling that Obama spent his teenage years goofing around and smoking pot when he should have been pinning down gay kids and cutting their hair.
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Republicans are taking the defeat over Health Care as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage.
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Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass, and it translate to beef with broccoli. The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
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When you look at belief in such things - as do you go to heaven, is there a devil - we have more in common with (Muslin countries) Turkey and Iran and Syria than we do with European nations and Canada and nations that, yes, I would consider more enlightened that us.
Bill Maher