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I feel like I'm wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Wearing
Shoes
Stand
Feel
Feels
Like
Orthopedics
Orthopedic
Corrected

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Democrats are afraid of polls. Republicans aren`t afraid of polls. Republicans make polls. Democrats run from polls.
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In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him liberal he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something.
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Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic.
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Kids. They're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for having sex.
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If the bible myth of Jonah in the whale and the Mother Goose myth of Jack and the Beanstalk were switched at birth so that Jack in the Beanstalk were in the bible, do you think any child would notice?
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People sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it's hard at the beginning.
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Dealing w/ Hamas is like dealing w/ a crazy woman who’s trying to kill u – u can only hold her wrists so long before you have to slap her.
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It somehow became an article of faith on the right that Obama is the most extreme president in American history. Although, when they say that, I think what they really mean is...he's black.
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I never hear terrorists say 'Merry Christmas,' only 'Allahu Akbar'.
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Did you see Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards? I don't want to say that that performance was a disaster, but after the show, I saw Rudy Giuliani having his picture taken standing on her.
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Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called Sin City is allowed to be a drunk.
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Your taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'
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I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras since Eric Garner IS on tape?
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention.
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I get the Playboy thing a lot. People assume I go out with bimbos. I couldn`t go out with bimbos if I tried! I scare them off! The women that like me are smart. So I go to the Playboy Mansion four or five times a year, but people think I go all the time.
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The Hollywood executives are, like, ‘We’re not racist, we just have to pretend to be racists because we’re capitalists. We want to sell our movies in China (and) they don’t like Kevin Hart.’
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I always say to my religious friends, if a pool had even one turd in it, would you jump in?
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I think we need to change that old saying, I don't need a building to fall on me. Because two did and we still don't get it. I think we all stick our head in the sand as a deep human impulse.
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You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery...
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So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.
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