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Just be happy that something traveled 5,000 miles across the Pacific and, for once, it wasn't your job.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Miles
Across
Wasn
Happy
Jobs
Something
Pacific
Traveled

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Today Obama was seen leaving the White House in a nurse's uniform on a flight to Cuba to smother Castro with a pillow.
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Whoever needs the relationship less has all the power.
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If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You're not a Christian.
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My father said, Bring along your best girl. This is something you say to a pimp!
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Shouldn't we be against procreation at this point in time? With overpopulation and the strain on the resources on this planet? Shouldn't we reward people who don't spawn?
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But isn't there something wrong when I'm the only guy in the country that got fired for 9/11?
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Kids. They're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for having sex.
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I was out at the HBO party, these are liberals, I imagine, and a lot of people came up to me and said, Keep giving it to the president.
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During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. And Bush responded, this debate, the last debate and the next debate.
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I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
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When I was 5-years-old, I knew who Khrushchev was.
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I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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New rule: If churches don't have to pay taxes, they also can't call the fire department when they catch fire. Sorry reverend, that's one of those services that goes along with paying in. I'll use the fire department I pay for. You can pray for rain.
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Their [Republicans] approach to a woman's body is the same as their approach to the economy: they have no idea how it works, but they're eager to screw with it anyway.
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Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?
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New Rule: News organizations have to stop using the phrase: We go beyond the headlines. That's your job, dummy. You don't see American Airlines saying, We land our jets on the runway!
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I said something recently about how the president [Barak Obama] should stop trying to placate the crazies and the right wing and the Republicans and stand up for the 70 percent of Americans who are not insane and stand up for the people who actually voted for you. That hit a real nerve.
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Religion is bad and drugs are good.
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Let us not become so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance.
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you'll wind up with a lover.
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