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People like the Mormons and the Scientologists, who I think should combine and make a Mormontologist because what they believe is just so out there it's just laughable.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Thinking
Like
Scientologists
People
Mormons
Laughable
Combine
Believe
Make
Think

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I used to stay at the Trump [hotels] and I just wouldn't now. The people were great, but I wouldn't stay at a 'birther' hotel.
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A flu shot just compromises your immune system.
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Eric Holder, our attorney general, says the Mr. Snowden will be brought to justice. Just as soon as we can find someone who can track his calls and read his emails.
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Their [Republicans] approach to a woman's body is the same as their approach to the economy: they have no idea how it works, but they're eager to screw with it anyway.
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North Korea has the same ability to launch a nuclear strike against America as I do. It's like walking through a parking lot and getting barked at by a chihuahua locked in a car.
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That's ended, that's over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I'm a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho.
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The Eleventh Commandment: don't speak ill of a fellow Republican. What if the fellow Republican is doing something that hurts America? Isn't it the patriot who sides with America before he sides with the Republicans?
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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
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Sam Harris made that great analogy. He said, 'If someone was talking into their hair dryer and claiming that they were speaking to God, they would call Bellevue. But, take away the hair dryer, it's just praying.'
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It's supposed to be a good thing that he's got this dialogue started. To me, I think, I just took away something bad from it, because, apparently he had to do this not to convince them of anything. To educate them.
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Tt just seems to be human nature to seem to want to posit in another human being, qualities that you must know, in part of your mind, that human being couldn't possess because you don't possess.
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London. Another terrorist attack and ISIS claimed credit. I am surprised because I thought we had wiped out ISIS on day one as Donald Trump said.
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Treason is when legislators vote against homeland security measures because it goes against the wishes of their political or financial backers. Treason is the fact that, as a terrorist, you could still buy a gun in this country because the NRA lobby is so strong.
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This Ted Cruz guy, I mean, he incurred the wrath, really, of his own party. They don't like him. Democrats hate him. Independents hate him. Republicans hate him. Even Miley Cyrus, he's the one guy she refuses to lick.
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Mitt Romney, who is on record saying that he would not waste money going after bin Laden, and on record saying he would not violate Pakistan's border to get bin Laden, this week said, 'Of course I would have gotten bin Laden.' Even his Etch-A-Sketch went, seriously?
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Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs - another blonde airhead.
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One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.
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It's been over a year since they've graduated, but neither of the Bush twins have found any work. Why don't they sign up (for military service in Iraq)? Do they hate America, or just freedom in general?
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car.
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