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I love trains. It's the only way to travel anymore where it doesn't involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Inner
Thighs
Train
Curve
Travel
Involve
Doesn
Curves
Way
Agent
Tsa
Love
Slowly
Thigh
Agents
Tracing
Anymore
Trains
More quotes by Bill Maher
We don't do sensible things. This is America.
Bill Maher
It just seems like the culture war is over, and the gay kissers won.
Bill Maher
Obama is huge in the polls these days. His popularity is soaring. Even conservatives are coming around. 30 percent of them now believe Obama deserves a Green Card.
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A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch Big Brother.
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Ebola has arrived in New York City. And I say, 'if it can make it there...it can make it anywhere!'
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I think the news people no longer have any idea of what covering the news is.
Bill Maher
The New York Times - but the whole country gives it that weight. It's like the Asian kid in math class. Everybody in the media cheats off The New York Times.
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Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
Bill Maher
Do you think it's possible that when we're on something like marijuana or mushrooms and we believe we're having a really spiritual experience that we're just high?
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You know, the only place in America where the millionaires and billionaires are predominantly liberal is here in Hollywood.
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As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.
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Do you want to know why marijuana is illegal? Because the drug companies want marijuana to be illegal. You see, if it came down to Prozak versus Marijuana, Prozak would lose.
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Just be happy that something traveled 5,000 miles across the Pacific and, for once, it wasn't your job.
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To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.
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We do it all the time, we legislate taste. We do it with the tax code. Churches and children get a tax break, because it's assumed that we all agree that we want to encourage churches and children. I don't. I don't. That's my opinion. I don't want to encourage either churches or children, and it's a very bad idea to put them together.
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he'd have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
Bill Maher
The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
Bill Maher
This is my question for conservatives: don't you want to live, too?
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I think what's dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
Bill Maher
We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.
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