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I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller country.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Cases
Moving
Occupying
America
Smaller
Country
Sell
Think
Sells
Thinking
Iraq
Case
Move

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When those myths were created, when the Bible was written, man didn't know what an atom or a germ was, or where the sun went at night, or why the women got pregnant. [Laughs.] They needed stories to answer the questions.
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In Republican fantasy world, everything is always Obama's fault. Somehow, he's weak and he's ineffective, and yet he pulls the strings on everything in the world.
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you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!
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This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.
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To even win a nomination in this country, you have to say you're a person of great faith. You have to pledge to the people out there that you put your faith in things that are unable to be proven - that you suspend critical thinking as the way to go.
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To give you an idea how slowly we are leaving Afghanistan, Afghans don't refer to us anymore as 'infidel crusaders.' They refer to us as 'Irish relatives.'
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The Republicans proved they are not the party of 'no.' They're the party of 'f**k, no!'
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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All across the Middle East in the streets, people are demanding democracy. It's amazing. The only way in America you get people to get worked up like that is to threaten to give them health care.
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How can the Republicans get away with picking their Dennis Kucinich, but when - if the Democrats tried it, all hell would break lose?
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Hollywood isn't your cesspool, America. It's your mirror.
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America is like a dog. I'm sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can't actually explain issues to a dog.
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I have two dogs. If I had retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet, the dogs are pretty much the same thing.
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I don't do heroin myself, but it's done wonders for my music collection.
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Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.
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The idea that I hear from the right wing in the last few decades, is that any sort of sacrifice is an affront to my liberty as an American to be a pig the way I want to.
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But isn't there something wrong when I'm the only guy in the country that got fired for 9/11?
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So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.
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North Korea has the same ability to launch a nuclear strike against America as I do. It's like walking through a parking lot and getting barked at by a chihuahua locked in a car.
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Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it
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