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Sometimes I'm dragging my ass out to the airport at 8 a.m. on a Saturday and I'm wondering why I'm doing this, but once I walk on stage I know why...because I'm addicted.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Dragging
Walks
Stage
Airport
Wonder
Addicted
Sometimes
Airports
Wondering
Saturday
Ass
Walk

More quotes by Bill Maher

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Obama is not a secret Kenyon, or a secret Muslim, he's a secret Republican.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Being politicians, they all got to sharing their personal stories. Obama talked about his mother's battle with cancer. Harry Reid talked about a kid with a cleft palate. And John McCain told how he once carried a brain dead woman through an entire campaign.
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Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.' You think she realizes that nuking Russia might not be good for someone who can see Russia from her house?
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All I'm saying, as a fan, is I'm tired of the same song for 30 years. Can't we change the message a little? You've arrived. You have a black president. Every white guy in a commercial doesn't have to be the idiot and every black guy in a rap song doesn't have to be God's gift to the world.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they'd said or did when they were in office.
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People have romantic notions about television. In the highest realms they think it's some sort of art medium, and it's not. Others think it's an entertainment medium, it's not that either. It's an advertising medium. It's a method to deliver advertising like a cigarette is a method to deliver nicotine.
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I couldn't run for any office. I think that religion is bad, weed is good, and babies are disgusting who would vote for me?
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I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of?
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I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller country.
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They told us to buy duct tape and portable radios so that if the world does end, we can all listen to Rush Limbaugh blame it on Clinton.
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I love trains. It's the only way to travel anymore where it doesn't involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh.
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I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.
Bill Maher
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A flu shot just compromises your immune system.
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I think Democrats are complacent. They think that Russia is going to save us. Bob Mueller is going to come in with a report.
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Officials believe that one of the terrorists was a woman. And there are female suicide bombers. It's just that their reward in paradise is a little different. Instead of getting 72 virgins, they get 72 guys who just listen.
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Every time somebody says 'Islamophobia' it gives the people who are intimidating cover.
Bill Maher
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I'm worried about a permanent Republican majority. That's what I'm worried about for the future.
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The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks...still safer than a Toyota.
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In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. So, the Archbishop of New York was very upset. He said, 'It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.'
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