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People sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it's hard at the beginning.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Beginning
Tell
Hard
Sometimes
Always
People

More quotes by Bill Maher

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America is like a dog. I'm sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can't actually explain issues to a dog.
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The plain fact is religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key deciscions made by religious people. By irrationalists. By those who would steer the ship of state, not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken.
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Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I returned abortions to back alleys where it belongs, my work here is done.' I think that's what he said, he was chewing a crayon.
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There's a word the teabaggers have wanted to use since Obama came on the scene, but they can't because it's not the 1950s. They would love to say this word. It begins with an N and ends with -er, and it's not nation-builder.
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I think what's dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
Bill Maher
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So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.
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The great thing about having been poor is how liberated it makes you if you eventually become rich. There's nothing like the knowledge that you don't need money to survive. That the money cushion you lie on every night doesn't have to be three feet thick, and you can still get to sleep.
Bill Maher
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Their [Republicans] approach to a woman's body is the same as their approach to the economy: they have no idea how it works, but they're eager to screw with it anyway.
Bill Maher
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
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The Hollywood executives are, like, ‘We’re not racist, we just have to pretend to be racists because we’re capitalists. We want to sell our movies in China (and) they don’t like Kevin Hart.’
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The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.
Bill Maher
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A cult is a cult, and that's what a frat is. A place where they strip you of your personality and rebuild it in their image.
Bill Maher
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Don't vote for Republicans or Democrats until they clean up the open system of bribery that we live under.
Bill Maher
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Do you think it's possible that when we're on something like marijuana or mushrooms and we believe we're having a really spiritual experience that we're just high?
Bill Maher
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To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.
Bill Maher
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Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.
Bill Maher
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40% of homicides go unsolved. You know, it's not a very good record. And, also, 95% of convictions in America come from plea bargaining, which is often coerced. It's like we have the worst of both worlds. We don't convict the guilty enough, and we coerce the innocent too much.
Bill Maher
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The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
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If the NRA keeps messing with the President's daughters, they're going to have to start worrying about Michelle Obama's guns.
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