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Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Dirty
Touch
Dog
Wouldn
Without
Condom
Hot
Meat

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You can't get saved if you don't play.
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John McCain, who once called Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson 'forces of evil', has now come out for teaching intelligent design. That is sad, when smart people have to pretend to be so dumb to get elected.
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African American Congressman Bobby Rush wore a hoodie on the floor of Congress to make a point this week. And they threw him out. They said a hoodie is too scary for Congress. Too scary? Have you ever looked into Michele Bachmann's eyes?
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The Eleventh Commandment: don't speak ill of a fellow Republican. What if the fellow Republican is doing something that hurts America? Isn't it the patriot who sides with America before he sides with the Republicans?
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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Gingrich is the foremost intellectual in the Republican party like Gene Simmons is the foremost intellectual in Kiss.
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I have two dogs. If I had retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet, the dogs are pretty much the same thing.
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Ebola has arrived in New York City. And I say, 'if it can make it there...it can make it anywhere!'
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Don't vote for Republicans or Democrats until they clean up the open system of bribery that we live under.
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Have you ever met a war you didn't love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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People sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it's hard at the beginning.
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The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
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Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'
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I urge the media to start referring to climate skeptics as what they really are: climate assholes.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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Being a conservative also used to involve the concept of people being free to do whatever they want to do, as long as it doesn't hurt somebody else. Conservatives used to be very libertarian.
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Americans are desperately, here on the West Coast, buying up and hoarding iodine pills... Isn't it great that in a land that is divided between conservative morons and liberal pussies, somehow we have managed to find a way to pull together and behave like moronic pussies?
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I said something recently about how the president [Barak Obama] should stop trying to placate the crazies and the right wing and the Republicans and stand up for the 70 percent of Americans who are not insane and stand up for the people who actually voted for you. That hit a real nerve.
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