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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Way
Object
Average
Freaky
Objects
Emergency
Rooms
Emergencies
Strange
Intended
American
Primaries
Used
Primary
Care
Ass

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Only cowards push a button from thousands of miles away, or tens of thousands of feet up, to kill people who can't possibly fight back.
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I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?
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The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: At some point, a pit bull does stop whining.
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McCain was introduced at the convention last night by his wife -- I won't say 'trophy wife' -- but she did $300,000 worth of clothes and jewelry on, no matter to the party of the little guy. But Cindy McCain talked about how his character, honor and integrity made him the exact kind of married man she was looking to pick up at a bar.
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It's that time of year again, April 15, taxes. I know it's depressing, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals, and an army to keep the nation free. Unfortunately that nation is Afghanistan.
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I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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If the NRA keeps messing with the President's daughters, they're going to have to start worrying about Michelle Obama's guns.
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Doctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough. They're recommending a procedure that involves photographing the entire colon. I say, don't vie CBS an idea for another reality show.
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The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
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If you think Democrats are going to take away your Bible, you're an idiot. If you think they are going to take away your gun, you're an armed idiot. If you think they're going to take away your gun and give it to a Mexican to kill your God, you're Bill O'Reilly.
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Only a Bush could answer a 'yes' or 'no' question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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Republicans are taking the defeat over Health Care as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage.
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We do it all the time, we legislate taste. We do it with the tax code. Churches and children get a tax break, because it's assumed that we all agree that we want to encourage churches and children. I don't. I don't. That's my opinion. I don't want to encourage either churches or children, and it's a very bad idea to put them together.
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The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks...still safer than a Toyota.
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People have romantic notions about television. In the highest realms they think it's some sort of art medium, and it's not. Others think it's an entertainment medium, it's not that either. It's an advertising medium. It's a method to deliver advertising like a cigarette is a method to deliver nicotine.
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To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't be destroyed, then implant one in your uterus and bring it to term. That's right, put your cervix where your mouth is.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they'd said or did when they were in office.
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That's ended, that's over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I'm a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho.
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This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car.
Bill Maher