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Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Right
Ass
Doctor
Doctors
Asks
Getting

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Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said, 'Marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what's ruining this country.'
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The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.
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Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'
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What a day for the Tea Party people. Did you see that? America's parks and fairgrounds were lost in a sea of man-boobs. They were venting their anger and rage against taxes, which, of course, in most cases for them went down. Protesting their taxes went down, but you know, why let the truth spoil a perfectly good Klan rally.
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New rule: If churches don't have to pay taxes, they also can't call the fire department when they catch fire. Sorry reverend, that's one of those services that goes along with paying in. I'll use the fire department I pay for. You can pray for rain.
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You can behead people, you can crucify them, you can cut their hearts out and eat them on YouTube...but, don't screw with the place where God hid America's oil.
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Your fuselage shouldn't open more easily than your pretzel bag.
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If we stopped calling it profiling and started calling it proactive intelligence screening or high alert detecting, people would be saying Well, it's about time.
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North Korea has the same ability to launch a nuclear strike against America as I do. It's like walking through a parking lot and getting barked at by a chihuahua locked in a car.
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Well, I hate to tell youbut if you have a flu shot for more than five years in a row, there's ten times the likelihood that you'll get Alzheimer's disease.
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Americans are desperately, here on the West Coast, buying up and hoarding iodine pills... Isn't it great that in a land that is divided between conservative morons and liberal pussies, somehow we have managed to find a way to pull together and behave like moronic pussies?
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Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
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I never, ever in my life tried to be outrageous. I've only ever tried to say what was truly on my mind and not pull punches about it.
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You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack of blunts.
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we're someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
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They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven-person panel and it will include Senator John McCain, but the findings from this panel will not be issued until after the election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report back in a year, you know, the same way it works in the Texas National Guard.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger has come out against gay marriage. He said marriage is a sacred union between a groupie and any number of body builders.
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Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.
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Whoever needs the relationship less has all the power.
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