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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Atheism
Sex
Position
Religion
Way
Abstinence

More quotes by Bill Maher

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I'd like to protect children, too, but... is everything worth sacrificing to that? I mean, drugs have done a lot of good... They've midwived a lot of good ideas... lot of great songs, you know? I think Penny Lane is worth 10 dead kids... I think Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. There, I said it.
Bill Maher
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If we stopped calling it profiling and started calling it proactive intelligence screening or high alert detecting, people would be saying Well, it's about time.
Bill Maher
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It's going to be Perry, it's going to be Romney...It's sort of a battle for the soul of the Republican Party - and they have no soul, but the space where a soul would be.
Bill Maher
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The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
Bill Maher
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Doctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough. They're recommending a procedure that involves photographing the entire colon. I say, don't vie CBS an idea for another reality show.
Bill Maher
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If you believe that the world is going to come to an end - and perhaps any day now - does it not drain one's motivation to improve life on earth while we're here?
Bill Maher
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People sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it's hard at the beginning.
Bill Maher
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn't have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
Bill Maher
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In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him liberal he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something.
Bill Maher
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I don't think George Bush is a good president by any imagination, but when he said, 'If you're talking to Al-Quaeda, we want to know what it's about,' it just proves one thing: If you're president long enough, you will one day say something that is true.
Bill Maher
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When you look at belief in such things - as do you go to heaven, is there a devil - we have more in common with (Muslin countries) Turkey and Iran and Syria than we do with European nations and Canada and nations that, yes, I would consider more enlightened that us.
Bill Maher
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Obama is huge in the polls these days. His popularity is soaring. Even conservatives are coming around. 30 percent of them now believe Obama deserves a Green Card.
Bill Maher
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Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that.
Bill Maher
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F. Scott Fitzgerald has an indespensible quote: 'The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at once and still retain the ability to function'. Or, as I like to call it, 'O.J. killed his wife, and the police are corrupt.'
Bill Maher
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Republicans look to find the future and they find radio.
Bill Maher
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France... What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?
Bill Maher
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Government - they used to teach it in college. It's actually something you should study and learn and know how to do. The Republicans always run on the idea that government isn't very effective. Well, not the way you do it. But it can be effective.
Bill Maher
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Their [Republicans] approach to a woman's body is the same as their approach to the economy: they have no idea how it works, but they're eager to screw with it anyway.
Bill Maher
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Mitt Romney comes from a Mormon background. I don't know how many wives he has. I'm not saying that I believe in that, I'm just saying he was born on a Mormon compound. I'm not a 'Wifer' but for some reason he's never shown his original marriage certificate.
Bill Maher
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I said something recently about how the president [Barak Obama] should stop trying to placate the crazies and the right wing and the Republicans and stand up for the 70 percent of Americans who are not insane and stand up for the people who actually voted for you. That hit a real nerve.
Bill Maher