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If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Away
Come
Take
Would
Cops
Owned
Cop
Dog

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The public is gullible. ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth.
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To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
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[George W. Bush] has balls. And he's a leader. Unfortunately his balls and leadership are in the service of shitty ideas. We need his balls on someone who thinks right.
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This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.
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New Rule: News organizations have to stop using the phrase: We go beyond the headlines. That's your job, dummy. You don't see American Airlines saying, We land our jets on the runway!
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The Republicans proved they are not the party of 'no.' They're the party of 'f**k, no!'
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I don't know if [Barack Obama] saw the latest religion survey, but almost a quarter of the country are Nones. I don't mean the ones who hit me on the knuckles with a ruler in Sunday School - I mean they put None for religion.
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The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
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In fact, because people are religious, they think they can do bad things.
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The only sport I really get into is snowboarding. Cause that's the only sport where they perform a half pipe just after smoking a full pipe.
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Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.
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You know, the only place in America where the millionaires and billionaires are predominantly liberal is here in Hollywood.
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I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.
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The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
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The food is out of this world!
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Recently, there's been a trend in America that I find very disturbing... rewarding immoral and illegal behavior...For example, we now give free needles to junkies, which seems to me to be only a step away from giving condoms to rapists.
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Republicans are taking the defeat over Health Care as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage.
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Dealing w/ Hamas is like dealing w/ a crazy woman who’s trying to kill u – u can only hold her wrists so long before you have to slap her.
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This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car.
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