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If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Away
Come
Take
Would
Cops
Owned
Cop
Dog

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We've been on a long break and I've just been kicking back, doing nothing. Like our government.
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Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. We'll try to get you work. But don't bug us about it.
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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I would rather put up with Rush Limbaugh and live in a country where we all do have freedom of speech.
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A lot of people say they are dyslexic some have to realize that they are just stupid.
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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There are only three ways a congressman goes out: They die in office, they cash in as a lobbyist, or they mistakenly tweet a picture of their d*ck.
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To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't be destroyed, then implant one in your uterus and bring it to term. That's right, put your cervix where your mouth is.
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Religion is insanity by consensus.
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A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, was caught flirting with a woman trolling for dates on Craigslist and sent her a shirtless photo of himself. He lied about his age and his marital status. He said he was 39 and divorced. He's 46 and married, though being a Republican congressman, I'm guessing he's really 60 and gay.
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The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.
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The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
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I was out at the HBO party, these are liberals, I imagine, and a lot of people came up to me and said, Keep giving it to the president.
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Failing to warn the citizens of a looming weapon of mass destruction- and that's what global warming is- in order to protect oil company profits, well, that fits for me the definition of treason.
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Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.
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Arnold was on the 'Today' show today, he was a little light on specifics. He said he could solve California's $38 billion budget deficit, without cutting spending or raising taxes because there was a third way. What is it? Let's just say it involves a robot going back in time to convince Gray Davis to go into dentistry.
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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In ten Muslim countries you can get the death penalty just for being gay. If they were chopping the heads off of gay people in the Vatican, wouldn't there be a greater outcry among liberals?
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I never hear terrorists say 'Merry Christmas,' only 'Allahu Akbar'.
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I'm okay with it now that Obama’s in office. I'm kind of trusting of him. But President Ted Cruz? Where this is going would bother me.
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