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If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Cops
Owned
Cop
Dog
Away
Come
Take
Would
More quotes by Bill Maher
Democrats are afraid of polls. Republicans aren`t afraid of polls. Republicans make polls. Democrats run from polls.
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called Sin City is allowed to be a drunk.
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If you're living hand-to-mouth, and still buying into the con that the big threats to America are socialized medicine, Mexican immigrants and tax increases, then you're not being kept down by the rich. You're being kept down by you.
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Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
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Canadian bacon isn't bacon. It's ham.
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Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with.
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Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.
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Well, I hate to tell youbut if you have a flu shot for more than five years in a row, there's ten times the likelihood that you'll get Alzheimer's disease.
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I was out at the HBO party, these are liberals, I imagine, and a lot of people came up to me and said, Keep giving it to the president.
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A lot of people say they are dyslexic some have to realize that they are just stupid.
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Dealing w/ Hamas is like dealing w/ a crazy woman who’s trying to kill u – u can only hold her wrists so long before you have to slap her.
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Unemployment is down, confidence is up, DOW 5,000 above Bush - or as Republicans put it, let's talk about gay people and abortion!
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A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch Big Brother.
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People say to me all the time, I get my news from your show. And that isn't the way they should get their news. But the choice is not between getting their news the right way and getting their news from my show. The choice is that they won't get any at all unless you give it to them in an entertaining package.
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I urge the media to start referring to climate skeptics as what they really are: climate assholes.
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Newt Gingrich...is absolutely for bombing Iran and for lowering gas prices. And I've just to say, you can't be for both. They are diametrically opposed.
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Community is gathering around a fire and listening to someone tell a story.
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There are two things that you have to lie to get through. One is politics, and the other is marriage.
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Nobody in America who wants pot has any trouble getting it, so maybe that's why we aren't seeing support for legalization. People don't think it's necessary to legalize it, because it's so easy to get it.
Bill Maher