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Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.' You think she realizes that nuking Russia might not be good for someone who can see Russia from her house?

Bill Maher

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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
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Journalist
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Television Producer
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New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
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More quotes by Bill Maher

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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
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It's all been satirized for your protection.
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F. Scott Fitzgerald has an indespensible quote: 'The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at once and still retain the ability to function'. Or, as I like to call it, 'O.J. killed his wife, and the police are corrupt.'
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So when I say we had been the cowards, yes, that's what I meant, we as a society. And that's everybody, including myself. I had been screaming about the drug war and this war and other wars. I should have been more on terrorism, too. So should you, so should everybody.
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John McCain, who once called Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson 'forces of evil', has now come out for teaching intelligent design. That is sad, when smart people have to pretend to be so dumb to get elected.
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Herman Cain answered the Wall Street protesters, and he had a message for these protesters. He said, 'If you don't have a job, if you're not rich, don't blame Wall Street, don't blame the banks, blame yourself.' And a nation of out of work teabaggers said, 'Yeah! Hey, wait a minute.'
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention.
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Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you're going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces.
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I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.
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When we make mistakes they call it evil
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he'd have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
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Tea Party has now cost the Republicans 5 senate seats. My next donation is going to them.
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I don't know if [Barack Obama] saw the latest religion survey, but almost a quarter of the country are Nones. I don't mean the ones who hit me on the knuckles with a ruler in Sunday School - I mean they put None for religion.
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Many people can't deal with unanswered questions, which religion exploits by providing answers, even if they are just made up by someone. This is also why we love TV shows and movies that neatly wrap up everything in exactly an hour or two.
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[George W. Bush] has balls. And he's a leader. Unfortunately his balls and leadership are in the service of shitty ideas. We need his balls on someone who thinks right.
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The politicians are no prizes, but the people are even worse, they're so ill-informed. I never understand the pushback when I say people are stupid.
Bill Maher
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To even win a nomination in this country, you have to say you're a person of great faith. You have to pledge to the people out there that you put your faith in things that are unable to be proven - that you suspend critical thinking as the way to go.
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Next week John Boehner will be sitting behind Barack Obama at the State of the Union address. I think Obama should purposely try to embarrass him by telling the story of 'Old Yeller.' The state of our Union is strong, but not so good for one special dog.'
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To give you an idea how slowly we are leaving Afghanistan, Afghans don't refer to us anymore as 'infidel crusaders.' They refer to us as 'Irish relatives.'
Bill Maher
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If you think Democrats are going to take away your Bible, you're an idiot. If you think they are going to take away your gun, you're an armed idiot. If you think they're going to take away your gun and give it to a Mexican to kill your God, you're Bill O'Reilly.
Bill Maher