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If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
Would
Ipod
Ipods
Acid
Weren
Definitely
Best
Music
Might
More quotes by Bill Maher
To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention.
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I'll clue you in on a secret: death is not the worst thing that could happen to you. I know we think that we are the first society ever to think that. It's not worse than dishonor it's not worse than losing your freedom its not worse than losing a sense of personal responsibility.
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It just seems like atheists are not included in the basket of diversity in America, which is odd because we are the biggest minority. That is a bigger minority than any other minority you can name.
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Treason is when legislators vote against homeland security measures because it goes against the wishes of their political or financial backers. Treason is the fact that, as a terrorist, you could still buy a gun in this country because the NRA lobby is so strong.
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People sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it's hard at the beginning.
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Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about...Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings, who don't have all the answers, to think that they do.
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The media is all over this Oui interview that Arnold did 25 years ago. Now, he's admitted he smoked pot, had group sex and didn't mind dating a girl that was out of shape and kind of fat if she satisfied him sexually. So, his handlers have stopped comparing him to Reagan and started comparing him to Clinton.
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Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did run, this time things would turn out differently. Yes they would. This time he would get his ass kicked by a woman.
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Just be happy that something traveled 5,000 miles across the Pacific and, for once, it wasn't your job.
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I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
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I can't believe I'm saying this, but Obama looks like he DOES need a teleprompter.
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It could be anything. It could be Jesus and it could be the Furby and it could be the lint that lives in my navel, but it's probably not. Whatever it is, I doubt we as humans on Earth could have any perception of it while we're here. So, why give yourself a headache thinking about it. Just be a good person. That's what an ethicist is.
Bill Maher
I urge the media to start referring to climate skeptics as what they really are: climate assholes.
Bill Maher
A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond to this and said, ‘It is appalling that Obama spent his teenage years goofing around and smoking pot when he should have been pinning down gay kids and cutting their hair.
Bill Maher
In fact, because people are religious, they think they can do bad things.
Bill Maher
Catholicism has changed tremendously in recent years. Now when Communion is served there is also a salad bar.
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Is it like gay men go into the priesthood because they figure, Well, this'll solve my problem. I can't be a homosexual in the priesthood it'll just go away. Maybe I'll try it with the Republican Party.
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Democrats are afraid of polls. Republicans aren`t afraid of polls. Republicans make polls. Democrats run from polls.
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